I am a healthy person.

I don’t even say that to myself as an affirmation, or self-fulfilling prophecy.  I truly am healthy.  My body is filled with all of the vitamins and nutrients that only whole foods can deliver. I get somewhere between 7-8hrs of quality sleep every night. I am making time for exercise, girlfriends, the arts, and even nature!  I literally picked jasmine and stuck it in my pigtails while on a walk last week…AT WORK! Every time I turned my head, I was reminded of how much I love the smell of spring.

I have shed 32lbs of self doubt, people pleasing, and unresolved wounds from my body.  I have worked closely with Jennifer (my amazing health coach) to identify and even name the voice inside of me who tells me that I am not good enough (we call her my negative roommate).  I named her Felicia, because at the time I was still leaning heavily on my sense of humor.  “Bye, Felicia.”  Ba da dum, chhhh!

Jennifer asked me to describe Felicia, so that I could recognize her, put her away, and begin to unveil the true Holly (the one I have silenced with food and fat).  Here is what I wrote…

Meet Felicia

If you look up the word “indulgence” on Wikipedia, that is Felicia.  Felicia is a very, very good time.  Felicia is larger-than-life and has an ability to have the most fun that anyone can have at any given moment. 

She loves all the best food – from fast food, to hole in the wall gems, to 3 Michelin star rated culinary experiences.  She loves excess: all of the food, all of the wine, all of the fun and all the laughs with all the friends all the time.

With my fat friends, Felicia is always game for another “send-off” before starting the next diet. That might include the greatest hits from all of your favorite fast-food joints at the same time – but even a day on the couch doing nothing but watching back/back movies all day and all night, while ordering doordash all day and all night is fun with Felicia.

When I am making good choices with my health, Felicia starts shopping. She loves clothing, jewelry, house hunting, online browsing, and filling up carts instead of filling up my belly. 

Felicia does not like to be still, or bored, or to nothing exciting to look forward to.

Felicia is WANTY

Felicia can be restless and exhausting.

Bye, Felicia.

My success thus far has been wonderful, and I am truly proud of myself. My initial success has also introduced a measure of complacency and cockiness. The idea that I have this all figured out and can just coast into the finish line. I need to be careful about that. Stay humble, Jennifer says. I have 100 pounds to go, and Felicia is waiting for me to think I have this all figured out, so that we can get back to the comfort of our cohabiting.  She is ready for this upswing to be over.

• Stay humble.
• Keep cleaning your soul and your environment.
• Keep doing things that feel hard; hard is where the change is.
• Stay in your lane.

Along with the sage advice above, Jennifer dishes me a slice of humble pie and it hits home…

“You can gain back 30lbs in half the time it took you to lose it. So there’s that. Stay engaged!”

I am a healthy person, but I am also a humble person. I have made great strides in sorting all of this out, but I am just scratching the surface.