February 28th vs May 5th

One week ago today, I completed a three month commitment to weight-loss and improving my overall health and wellness. For me, the end of the Project Healthy Body is met with mixed emotions. On one hand, I am radiating with pride over all that I have accomplished. I have lost 40 pounds, and countless inches (I say countless because stupidly I didn’t start measuring until 1/3 of the way through the program). I have also dropped two dress sizes. Most importantly though, I am armed with the tools and knowledge that will keep me on the road to success.

In other ways, the end is bitter sweet.  I have shared my inner most feelings of shame and struggle with the women in this group – and they have shared their inner most feelings of shame and struggle with me. In the short period of just three months, we have built a deep connection based on vulnerability, empathy, support, and trust. It feels odd, and slightly sad to put an expiration date on that connection. The group has become part of my routine, and I have equated, in part, that routine with my weight-loss success. It is like the feeling you get when you walk out the door without a bra: it is freeing, but damn, these danglers could really use the support!

So what’s next? Well, I am over the moon excited to be transitioning into a one year long Project Healthy Body led by my health coach (Jennifer). It is going to be intense, and challenging, and fucking awesome! My life has already changed so much in the four months that I have been working with Jennifer – I can’t even imagine what I will look and feel like one year from now. Maybe I will be so damned healthy, I won’t even need a bra anymore! Swing low sweet chariots, and watch out world!

Some things that will probably happen over the next year (not limited to, and in no particular order):

1. This dress. Because gingham, because shopping in regular preppy girl clothing stores, and because god damn, I love a ball skirt with pockets!
2. Increased awesoMEness – and by that, really just mean continuing to treat myself like I would my best friend. By practicing how to see myself as the world sees me, and then standing in that greatness with confidence and humility.
3. Pursuing the impossible – daring to consider the things that I previously thought were impossible because of negative self-talk. Then taking action on those dreams despite my own fears, and my self-doubt. Answering hard questions like, “why am I here?” and “what is my purpose?”
4. Big make-outs – our first dance as a married couple was to Marvin Gaye’s, “Let’s Get it On.” At the time, it was representative – but somewhere between that dance and careers/commutes/kids/getting fat, we lost our mojo. It is time to carpe his diem and get us back on track.
5. Looking good / feeling good – in the movie of my mind, it will look something like this clip from one of my all-time favorite movies

In some ways, the future is up: momentum up, standing up, head up, chin up, push-ups, and sit ups. In other ways, the future is down: weight down, inches down, dusted down, sized down, stripped down. Every pound I lose comes with so much more than just a data point. The work that I am doing is not a diet. It is tunneling deep into the why, and the how of my issues with weight. It is a sustainable, and enjoyable way of thriving that I will be practicing for the rest of my life. It is about so much more than the food. It is about connecting with my authentic self – and I am so excited to find out what this next year will bring: the ups, the downs, the ends, and the beginnings.